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Intentional Marriage

Updated: Nov 9, 2019

"The day we realized our marriage was in a deep pit was the first day of our redemption... God gave us a new perspective. We began turning our struggles from different directions into striving together. Now we're striving together for more than we could have been on our own before..."

🌹If you haven't listened to this week's episode of my podcast for Intentional Moms, I hope you'll listen today to episode 8 on having an intentional marriage. This episode will gives you specific action items to transform your relationship.

This week on my podcast, I introduced listeners to my husband, Rich. It was so fun to have him join in this episode! I would have enjoyed him being there no matter what topic it was, but this particular topic is very close to our hearts so it was an extra special episode for us to share with all of you.

My husband Rich singing the lyrics we wrote to introduce the "master suite" section of our podcast. (The guitar music is our oldest son, Nathan, who wrote the music score.)

We've been married 27 years and we've packed a lot of life into each one of them.

Our most recent family picture when our son, Nathan, married Katelyn. We have seven children. The three oldest are married and we have two grandsons. That's a lot of life packed into 27 years.

If you'd like to hear a four minute overview of our family, listen here.

I'm sure you know that every marriage experiences some hurdles and some hills and some valleys. Ours definitely has been no different.

The good news is that we "woke up" in one of those valleys one day and realized it was actually a pit. We didn't know that's where we were headed as we made choices in our marriage, but it was those choices that put us there. Why is that good news? It's good news because we woke up! We realized that it wasn't the marriage we wanted nor the marriage we wanted our kids' to learn from. We'd hit rock bottom and that was the beginning of redemption!

Getting Out of the Pit

Our struggles in different directions

*We took a weekend away from the kids. That was the first step - to make our relationship a priority even over the kids. Now that's not a popular perspective these days (putting marriage above kids) but it is actually a big key to having a healthy family and one of the things our kids need most is to be a part of a healthy family. Your kids will find safety in knowing that Mom and Dad's relationship is solid. I've come to experience that my kids actually WANT Rich and I to put our marriage as a higher priority than family time. Their security increases as mom and dad's relationship strengthens.

*We also began keeping a notebook of what we were doing wrong and what a better way would have be as we dug into many marriage books and especially studied the Bible to see what we could find. We found that many of the stories God put in scripture was to show the consequences that happen when people make poor decisions. We would keep track of what we discovered and these records were helping us shape a new set of principles for our transforming marriage. We were doing this to make changes in our marriage but also to save our kids' marriages from some of the heartaches we had brought on ourselves. This notebook chronicled our journey out of the pit and on the road to redemption.

Re-Calibrate, Getting a New Vision

Turning our struggles against into striving together

*That weekend get away was the first of many times in many years that we've come to treasure as a time to RE-CALIBRATE about our family's priorities. We evaluate our family values, examine how we're doing at prioritizing them, and set some goals and actions items for being more focused in these areas. I know that sounds like a lot of work, but we spend a lot of time relaxing and enjoying each other and then we are ready to focus on our road map of hope!

(Don't have the money for a trip away? See if someone would watch your kids for the weekend and have a stay-cation with your spouse instead).

What are your family values?

Taking some time together to re-calibrate our focus, making sure our efforts are continuing to align with our values

It's now bee