Friendship for Busy Moms: Created for Connection
- Val Harrison
- Sep 22
- 6 min read
Updated: Sep 22
I'm thankful for my friends.
When I'm struggling, it is wonderful to know someone is praying with me.
When their life is changing, it's an honor to celebrate or comfort them.
Not only that, but friendship is good for your health! Did you know that oxytocin is often referred to as "the bonding hormone?" When we simply chat with a friend, it can raise our oxytocin and lower our cortisol (the stress hormone).
How about you? Do you make time for friendship? That can be tough when you're raising kids.
Being able to talk about the difficult and happy experiences in our lives gives us a sense of community and connectedness. Which makes sense, because we were created for connection - with God and others.
Too often, in today's fast-paced and detached society, we scroll social media seeking the connection we were designed to receive through meaningful interaction. But how can we do that when we are busy moms meeting the many demands of life?
Ways for Busy Moms to Make Time for Friendships
Schedule a play date. Where I live, there's a coffee shop inside a church that also has a kids' playground where lots of moms meet up during the week.
Find a moms' Bible study like MOPS or BSF (Bible Study Fellowship)
Volunteer together. For ten years, I visited a nursing home once a month to visit with residents, play games with them, or sing with them. I brought my children along and it was vitally important for their hearts and social development while it blessed the residents as well.
At church, I would help in the nursery or my child's classroom. My children would get time with peers, and I would get time with the other volunteers.
One summer, I reserved every other Tuesday afternoon for my middle-school aged daughter, one of her friends, and that friend's mom. We moms took turns planning the dates for us to teach truths to our daughters about their worth, womanhood, treasuring your body and mind, and guarding your heart. This built a life-long connection for me and the other mom.
As a homeschooling mom for 27 years, I have found that a homeschool co-op is as important for the mom as it is for the student to build friendships with others who are in similar life stage and life purpose.
Make a friend in your neighborhood. Walking the neighborhood, pushing your strollers would be a great way to spend time in nature, with a friend, improving your health, while providing a positive experience for your child.
Host. Inviting a family over for games, dinner, dessert, a bonfire, or watermelon on the back porch can deepen friendships for you and your children.
Before you pursue too many friendships, thought, I have a few CAUTIONS for you.
CAUTION #1: Pick friends who lift you up and don't try to compete with you, who pray for you, who care enough to say the difficult truth when necessary, and who REINFORCES your values. Pray for God to bring a friend into your life who is a balance of encouragement and accountability in your struggles.
CAUTION #2: Don't allow any friendship to produce negativity about your highest callings in life. Have you noticed that it is popular to make fun of husbands and to complain about kids? When I was a young mom, my friends would complain about their husbands and say they couldn't wait until school started so their kids would be gone all day. I'd come home feeling grouchy about the most precious of gifts that God entrusted to me - my husband and children. I figured out quickly that those friendships were a stumbling block and I made the decision to get new friends.
CAUTION #3: Guard your marriage as your closest friendship. My friends know that if they don't want my husband to know something, they shouldn't tell me. My friendship with him comes first and I don't keep any secrets from him. Of course, I don't tell him physically private things about my friends, for their and his sake, but other than that, nothing is off limits. He knows more of my heart, thoughts, fears, dreams, and struggles than anyone else because I want our relationship to be my most treasured of human relationships.
(I know for some women your husband isn't a safe place for friendship. If that's you, I'm so sorry. You should certainly maintain safety for you and your children at all times. Get help, pray for wisdom, and seek wise counsel).
CAUTION #4: Reserve your deepest heart-filling from your relationship with the Lord. Your soul will always yearn for intimate connection with your Creator. Prioritize time with Him. Create a space in your home or yard for sacred connection with the God of the universe. Your children can be playing in the dirt or sitting on the swing while you're nearby communing with the Saviour of your soul and circumstances. This is the richest relationship you will ever have and as it grows, your life will thrive. As your life thrives, you will build better connection with your spouse, children, and friends because your healthier heart will be better equipped for healthier relationships.
CAUTION #5: Don't neglect deep connection with your children. For them to thrive, they need a genuine twinkle in your eye, warm embrace, probing questions, and sweet nicknames. They need you to sing over them, to check-in about their fears and furies, and to celebrate their victories (even the small ones). They need you to share with them what God is teaching you and what you're praying about with Him. Your children need to hear belief in your voice when you give them guidance about the difficulty they are facing. Your children need connection with you, and you must be careful to protect time in your lives for this tender bonding.
CONFESSION: I am not naturally good at connection. It has taken me many years to improve in this area of my life, and I still have more work to do. No matter where you're at in your ability to connect, you can take one small step at a time in speaking truthfully, tenderly, positively, and lovingly. If you need more help on building connection or improving communication at your house, I have listed some of my podcast episodes below that can help you and your family build stronger relationships.
"How good and pleasant it is when people dwell in unity!" Psalms 133:1
Here's a few of my podcasts on building connection for you or your family:
What cautions would you add? How do you fit friendships into a busy, demanding life? Do you find that your friendships improve your health or mental health? Come join the discussion in our private Facebook group Intentional Mom Strong Family.
Val Harrison is a speaker, author, and podcast host who encourages and equips intentional moms to build strong families.
She’s been married to her husband Rich for 33 years. They have four daughters, three sons, four in-law kids, and six grandkids. Together, Rich and Val have a marriage ministry. Val has also homeschooled for over 25 years. She shares practical parenting wisdom drawn from real-life successes, struggles, and her faith in God.
If you’re looking for heartfelt, faith-based insight with a dose of real-life experience, Val’s voice is one many moms from all stages of motherhood turn to for guidance and encouragement on the Practically Speaking MOM Podcast.
If you’ve been following Val for a while, you’ve noticed that you aren’t hearing as much from her. God has had her in a time of personal health healing in the last year and half and God has also directed Val and her husband Rich to invest a great deal of time in marriage ministry over the past year.
She also teaches students how to improve their communication skills as they learn to live out God’s unique design for their individual lives. Check out her ministry, shop, and resources at www.PracticallySpeakingMOM.com
