top of page

Family FUN, BONDING, & WISDOM-GIVING about Hearts, Love, Dating, & the Meaning of Marriage, #125

CLICK HERE to listen to episode 125

"Is it really that big of a deal for me as a parent to know where I stand regarding dating and romance for my kids when my child is only in preschool? Or elementary school? Or middle school? I think we can wing it when the time comes. What's the big deal?"

Our kids are constantly bombarded with messages even at a very young age about romance, love, dating, and marriage. Messages come from music, shows and movies, even video games with their seductive images. Most of these messages do way more harm than good in impacting your child's perception on these issues. Of course, reducing their intake of media goes along way in helping their beliefs about these concepts and parents can also speak a clear and impactful message on these topics with our kids as well. This blog post & podcast episode 125, will be two things:

1. A list of questions for you, the parent. Take some time to figure out what your message is going to be through your years of parenting in this complex issue. Don't wait to figure out your philosophy, because the messages they are getting are happening even at young ages, so your messages have to start young as well.

2. The second part of this blog post is a NIGHT OF FUN, BONDING, and WISDOM-GIVING regarding your child's heart, romantic love, dating, and the meaning of marriage. With Valentine's one week away, this is the perfect opportunity to have a night like this, but you can also use these ideas anytime.

I want to help your voice about romantic love to be a voice of wisdom and intentionality and confidence. That begins by figuring out where you do stand on all of these issues. This blog post includes a lot of questions for you and your spouse to discuss together as you figure out your solid position on these complex issues. The earlier the two of you know your message, the more effective that message will be.

For many years, our family Valentine's Day consisted of my husband giving my daughters' a flower each and mem giving the boys some goodie bags. Then we'd have a nice meal at home and end with cake. Not too shabby of a plan, right?

A few years ago, in our private Facebook group Intentional mom strong family, I had made a post asking you all if you had any family traditions for Valentines Day. Your ideas were great and they got me to thinking that maybe I should do more for this day as an opportunity to bond the family, and to demonstrate to our kids how much we treasure each of them individually.

As I began making plans to show our kids how much we love them, God began working on my heart and showing me that there is a second emphasis I should place on my plan – and that is to impact our children’s perspective about romantic love, dating, and marriage.

Part 1 of this blog post: Developing a Parent Philosophy about dating, love, and the meaning of marriage

In raising our children and preparing them for life, we want to increase the time we devote to instilling wisdom in their hearts regarding romantic love, guarding their hearts, who they marry, and how to do marriage well.

Whether we are a single parent or a married parent, there are so many important principles we want to pour into the hearts of our children regarding romantic love.

In a few minutes, I’m going to give you some recommendations for a FUN, BONDING Family Night for Treasuring Their Hearts, but first I want to give you a list of questions regarding decisions you really want to make as parents.

Where do you stand on the following issues and what principles do you want to guide your parenting through the years regarding Romantic Love:

🤍What do you wish your kids knew about romantic love, guarding their hearts, and dating?

🤍What benefits did you experience in dating when you did and how you did?
🤍What problems did you experience in dating when you did and how you did?

🤍Why do kids often seek a boyfriend or girlfriend?

Is it because all the other kids are? Is it because they like the idea of romance? Is it because they long to be chosen? Is it because they long to be pursued? Are they connecting their self-worth to who likes them? Who pursues them? Do they need validation? Where should their self-worth and validation come from? I want my child’s self-worth to come from knowing they were created with a purpose. I want their self-worth to come from knowing who they are as an individual and who they are becoming. I want their self-worth to come from knowing they are a part of a family who loves them and that they have a unique and important role in the family, and in the community, and among their friends, and in their society, and in their church. I want them to be aware of their strengths and also be working on their weaknesses. The growing up years are a time for growth and becoming and exploring interests and overcoming obstacles and identifying problems in the world that they can be a part of the solution. And it is about knowing who they are in Christ, the unique ways He made them, and the one-of-a-kind message they are becoming in the world – a message of God’s grace, and goodness, and beauty, and creativity. Here’s what I’m saying – pursuing and maintaining a romantic relationship too young, can easily thwart their life development.

🤍What age is too young to have a romantic relationship? And what age is old enough to start dating?

If you don’t want them dating too young, you need to know that so you can let that principle impact how you parent them before the dating years arrive. If you know you want them to wait until the older teen years, for example, to date, then is it a good idea to joke about them having a boyfriend or girlfriend when they are five? Does that influence their self-perception? You are the parent, and that is a call for you to make. I just want to encourage you to think through where you as parents stand on some issues regarding romantic love and don’t delay in figuring out where you stand. The earlier the better so that your parenting influence regarding romantic love can be more intentional and effective. I know, my two favorite words for parents – intentional and effective. Well, yes, that is exactly what my ministry is about. It is realizing that it’s not good enough to mean well as a parent. We have to learn how to be effective in our efforts. And it is my prayer that this episode will help you to be more effective and intentional in your parenting your children about romantic love.

Here's some other questions you want to figure out the right answers for your family long before your kids become interested in romantic thoughts or ideas.

🤍What do we want to teach our kids about guarding the other person’s heart in a romantic relationship?
🤍What kind of criteria do we want to recommend to our child about selecting someone to date?
🤍How well do we want our child to know someone before they go on a date?
🤍How well do we need to know the person who wants to date our child if our child isn’t an adult yet?
🤍Do we want our kids to have “boyfriends” or “girlfriends at young ages? 🤍Are we going to joke about our kids having a boyfriend or girlfriend?
🤍What are good boundaries in dating? 🤍How can a person date in such as a way as to keep those boundaries? 🤍What is the purpose of dating?
🤍What is the purpose of marriage? 🤍What marriage principles do we want to share with our children? 🤍What have we done well in our marriage that we want to pass on to our kids?
🤍What are some regrets we have in marriage that we want to warn about to our kids?
Here's a link to some recent discussions we have had in the Intentional Mom Strong Family Facebook group regarding some of these questions: Part A Part B Part C Part D (It is a private group that you would need to join before viewing).