Have you ever found yourself in a valley of your own making? Boy, I sure have. I found that some of my relationships within the family were fractured and some of my kids' self-perceptions weren't the best. As I began examining the situation, God revealed many things about myself that needed work. I had been sending some unintended messages to my children and I needed to learn a better way.
I had to completely examine
the TONE of my voice
the LOOK in my eye
All three of these are sources of messages. I'm sure this isn't a surprise to you. After all, I'm sure you've experienced words that deplete your spirit, a tone that rings in your heart in a discouraging way, or a look from someone that shows anger or disgust. Let's take it even a little further... have you ever seen a look in someone's eyes that said, "I knew you'd fail at this." or "you're such a disappointment," or "will you ever get it right?!" I know those statements sound really harsh and those are things I could never say to my children. But sometimes the look in my eye or the tone of my voice had sent that message even though my words had not. That was heartbreaking for me to realize. I was devastated that my children could have received a message from me that was so far from what my heart felt for them. I was thankful that they let me know when I asked them about it, but I was so brokenhearted to know that it took for me to figure this out.
Here's what it came down to for me: I needed to learn to be intentional with my vision of each of my children and intentional about the messages I was giving them. But, how?
Do you know what is great about valley times in your life? The soil is very fertile there for growth! And that's what I began doing in that valley of my own making - I began growing!
When we I are in a valley, we can be discouraged about the mistakes we've made or we can see them as opportunities to grow, pivot, gain greater understanding, and allow God to reshape us.
Now I get to tell you the really good news! When we moms make mistakes that land us in a valley AND we decide to grow while there, THEN we have an opportunity to BOND with our kids through our apology & growth and that HELPS THEM GROW TOO! Here's what I mean...
I was looking for growth in myself
so God began showing me the ways I needed to change.
I apologized to my kids for mistakes and committed to pivot.
They watched me change for their sake & it made them feel highly valued.
And it inspired them to become people who apologize, pivot, and grow, too.
As I grew in my awareness of the messages I was sending and as God began showing me some ways to have a better vision of my children (by looking at GOD's VIEW of the them) and better ways to give them God's view for who they were CREATED TO BECOME, I was blessed to see my relationships improve with each of my children and I was so grateful to see my children's self-perceptions greatly transform! I needed to give them a better, HIGHER vision of themselves as I pointed them to God's unique design of each of them. I learned to display my excitement over the process of DISCOVERING the unique characteristics of each of my children. And I want to show you how to do this also - in episode 87 of my podcast for intentional moms to build strong families.
We all need to speak truth about our children to our children to impact their belief about themselves. What they believe about themselves affects the choices they make for their life.
BELIEF affects CHOICE affects OUTCOME
Don't underestimate the messages you are sending
your child about what you believe about them,
about who they were created to become.
I began writing what God was teaching me about visionary parenting and eventually it became a chapter in a book that God called me to write - Wearing All Your Hats without Wearing Out: Finding Focus to be the Masterpiece Family God Intended.
Then, a few years later He expanded this even more in my material called "Your Love Becomes Their Strength: Answering the Six Questions of Your Child's Heart." (At this time, I only offer my workbooks on this topic when I speak in person at events but you can listen to a LIVE workshop I taught on this topic here).
Here's a sneak peek at what you'll hear in this week's podcast on Visionary Parenting, episode 87...
Your Child's Heart is Asking, "Mom, Do You Believe in Me?" "What makes me significant in this world?" "Am I blessing or a burden?" "What else do you believe about me?"
You're answering their heart through the words you say, the tone of your voice, the look in your eye. You may be sending messages you didn't even know you were sending! I was.
Thankfully, I made some changes, made a course shift in how I was parenting and it improved my relationships with my kids as well as improving their perception of themselves.
And, as I've told you many times, "Who you believe you are has everything to do with who you become." Your child's belief about themselves affects their decisions about their life which shapes who they become. So, mamas, in this episode I'm going to give you some practical steps for sending the right messages!"
Also mentioned in Episode 87, "Visionary Parenting..:"
Some of God's Visionary Statements about us...
Next week, in Episode 88, I'll be taking your questions!! It's a Listener Q&A with Val.
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